pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
