Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I AM VODKA MAN
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
