I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
