Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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