i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Randomize
