After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
