i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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