wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
we're so committed to being not committed
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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