is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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