so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
