Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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