I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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