I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
