ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
