Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she smelled like a LAN party
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he quoted the bible to break up with me
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I FOUND THE LEGS
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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