Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
