Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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