i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
