You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
