ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
