Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
