I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
