I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
