I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
