i wish starbucks made bloody marys
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
