Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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