please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
