I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
