I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
