Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My ass is underappreciated
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
