Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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