Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
