Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize