are you still at the devil's house?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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