have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
