I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i was born a porn star she said
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
