so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
