Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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