If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize