i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
