You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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