called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
