wanna go halves on a baby?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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