Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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