Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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