I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
