She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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