Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
