I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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