i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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