so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
