My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
