R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
