her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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