I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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