...so i touched it.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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