Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize