so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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