Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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