new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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