I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
