I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
