I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize