@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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