sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
