last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
