if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
