Her vagina should come with caution tape.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
