8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Less talking, more tequila
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
