i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
