did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
