This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
