You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
