I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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