You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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