Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So many bounce houses so little time
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
