Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There's always time for handjobs
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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