Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
