:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
